Allowing a Serious Illness to Transform Life

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What Do Survivors of Serious Illness Know That You Should Know?

By Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

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Serious illness often transforms a life by forcing a person to focus on those things that are essential elements of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. As you look over this list of attitudes and actions that survivors of cancer and other serious and chronic illness have used, I strongly recommend you choose THREE that you would like to remember and incorporate into your life and philosophy. Otherwise, if you're like most of us, you'll skim through the page and soon forget what you read.

Positive Cancer Survivors — and — Survivors of Other Serious Illness . . .

. . . Know cancer is not a death sentence or they would now be dead. They also know what it is like to have cancer (at least their particular kind of cancer) and are educated about the importance of cancer treatment (even if there is much they don't know)

. . . Do not view themselves as a statistic but as a vital human being with as much potential for survival and hope as anyone can have-accepting the challenge of their situation.

. . .Believe that the tragedy of cancer is not in the diagnosis but in accepting the diagnosis as though there is no hope.

. . . do not treat cancer as a blow to their ego or a defect of character.

. . . do not believe that they brought cancer upon themselves by "bad" thinking nor that they will create a recurrence because they are afraid it may happen.

. . . consider themselves victors even if they don't have a certificate of "cure" from their doctors.

. . . know how to put together a good health care team, to get a second and third opinion when needed, to get the information they need from their doctors in language they can understand, to give their doctors the information the doctors need, and to involve themselves in all decisions concerning their medical care or consciously choose to have others make those decisions for them.

. . . realize that they are finite, mortal beings and because they have dealt with the fear of death they have explored their deepest, most basic beliefs and philosophy, know what is most important to them and don't rely on someone else's well-intentioned faith or opinion to dictate to them what they should do or believe.

. . . have learned to live with uncertainty, one of the hardest challenges of getting through the season of cancer treatment.

. . . recognize the importance of friends, love and caring and develop a good support system.

. . . know that the power of the human spirit is incredibly resilient, especially when it is supported by love, hope and a sense of purpose.

. . . stress positive reinforcers of health, such as inner strength, the power of family and friends and good medical care.

. . . avoid as much as possible self-pity, the "why" question, wounded pride, feelings of martyrdom, negative self-image and self-blame.

. . . work step-by-step to build a new belief in themselves and in their place in the world if their illness seems to have taken their self-identity and purpose from them.

. . . support their immune system by lowering stress through exercise, diet, rest and techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises and positive mental imagery.

. . . address their fears, anxiety and insecurities by talking to those who can best help them work through those issues.

. . . accept each day as an opportunity to live life fully, to enjoy the smile of a friend, a beautiful view, an inspirational poem; or to give a word of encouragement, a note of thanks to others.

. . . recognize that depression is a natural part of being human and that depression can be physiological as well as psychological, so that sometimes they choose to get help from a doctor and sometimes from a therapist or empathic friend.

. . . express feelings of anger and disappointment and do not act as though everything is okay and they are happy when they are not.

. . . laugh and see the lighter side of life.

. . . cry when they need to.

. . . develop healthy eating habits with the help of their medical team and a nutritional specialist and avoid excessive alcohol, tobacco and other known carcinogens.

. . . recognize the value of fulfilling work, either that for which they get paid or for which they volunteer.

. . . explore what there may be about their own attitudes and coping styles that get in the way of healing and learn how to talk back to the voices in their heads that pull them into a defeated attitude.

. . . work toward sense of wholeness and balance in their lives and know that wellness involves far more than absence of disease.

. . . realize that total control of life is a myth and aren't overwhelmed if they can't always be in charge.

. . . concentrate on the ways in which they can be in control in their lives, even if they are small, everyday things like choosing the books they will read, the route they will take to work, the clothes they will wear and the activities to which they will give their attention.

. . . share what they have learned with others and know that in sharing comes strength and peace.

. . . take one day at a time.