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Ways of Coping: Creatively Expressing Grief

By Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS, FAAETS, reprinted with permission

Page One of Four

This article offers an excellent description of the many creative ways people respond to grief. If you are dealing with a loss in your life, perhaps in this piece you may find an approach you haven't yet considered.

At the deepest level, the creative process and the healing process arise from a single source.

When you are an artist, you are a healer;
A wordless trust of the same mystery is the foundation of your work and its integrity.
-Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

Please note: A list of the resources mentioned in this article appears on Page Four

Creatively Expressing Grief

Whether a singer, a writer, a dancer, a playwright, a storyteller, an actor or actress, a quilter, a seamstress, a gardener, a builder, a cook, a woodworker, a poet, a "rapper," a painter, a teacher, a musician, a sculptor, a photographer, a composer, an advocate, or a volunteer-each of us possesses our own special talents and creative gifts. Creative endeavors following a loss can be very therapeutic and help the grieving find a means of expressing grief or remembering someone lost-whether in writing, song, or a variety of artistic media. Often the grieving do not know the words, or the words do not exist, to adequately express the emotion of grief-so they turn to other means of expression. Creative expression can to help lift one's spirits; it can also help the grieving bring to the surface the inner chaotic emotions deep inside and find original ways of expressing the deep emotions generated in grief. Creating expressions of grief or experiencing the unique endeavors of others is reminder of the recuperative power of humans-the ability to create beauty or find hope in tragedy.

Various Ways of Expressing Grief

Singers, songwriters, composers and musicians create their music often as an expression of their grief or a tribute to a person who has died. Eric Clapton composed "Tears in Heaven," following his son's accidental death from a fall as a poignant expression of his grief. The song "Fly" sung by Celine Dion described her emotions and feeling surrounding her niece's death, Karine who died from Cystic Fibrosis. Paul McCartney wrote "Here Today" in memory of John Lennon, following the tragic shooting. Elton John wrote "Empty Garden" following the death of John Lennon, and rewrote "Candle in the Wind" to remember Princess Diana following her tragic death. Tori Amos wrote about her own experience as a survivor of rape, in her powerful songs, "Me and A Gun" and "Silent All These Years." Many women, also silent for years, profoundly responded to her songs resulting in the formation of RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) the only national sexual assault hotline (1-800-656-HOPE).

Many of the classic books on grief have been written authors dealing with their own grief-as a way of coping with the loss. C.S. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed* as his way of dealing with the death of his wife Joy; this book has spoken to thousands about grief. Writer Martha Whitmore Hickman penned Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief* following the death of her sixteen-year-old daughter in a riding accident. Margit Esser Porter wrote Hope is Contagious* as her way of helping other women diagnosed with breast cancer. Safe Passages: Words to Help the Grieving Hold Fast and Let Go* was written by Molly Fumia as her way of belatedly mourning the loss of her first born son. Rabbi Harold Kushner faced a crisis of faith when his son Aaron died. When Bad Things Happen to Good People* was his reaction to this personal tragedy. The Gift Of Peace* was written by Cardinal Joseph Bernardin during his last two month of life, on his reflections as he found peace at the end of his life before dying from pancreatic cancer.

Margaret Edson's recent Pulitzer Prize-winning play WIT (W;t), later made into an HBO special, is an example of using theater and film to deal with issues of loss in dying. This play chronicles one woman's final few days as she comes to terms with her end-stage ovarian cancer. Another example is video. With the help of Emmy-winning co-producer, Lori Hope, the relative who adopted him, Brett Hardy Blake created the touching documentary "How I Coped When Mommy Died" as a way of coping after his mother died from breast cancer.

Poetry is another common way of expressing grief. With poetry very complex feelings can be distilled into a few lines of pure emotion. Poets throughout the ages have expressed their grief in verse. WH Auden's "Funeral Blues," Edna St. Vincent Millay's "Time does not bring relief," William Wordsworth's "Grieve Not," Christina Rossetti's "Remember," John Donne's "Death Be Not Proud," Cannon Henry Scott Holland's "All is Well" and Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "Grief"are all examples of using poetry to aid in the grieving process.

More recently Paul McCartney returned to his poetic roots to help process the death of his wife Linda-this year publishing a collection of his poems and lyrics in Blackbird Singing* In her book Holding On: Poems for Alex*, Cathy Sosnowsky a college English Instructor turned to writing poetry eight years after the accidental death of her only birth child. Mike Bernhardt found poetry to be a therapeutic healing tool following the death of his wife. He collected other poetry from grieving loved ones to create Voices of the Grieving Heart *.

Inside Grief* (www.wisepress.com) is another collection of emotional poetry compiled by Gerontology Graduate Student and Poet, Line Wise that helps one to explore the impact of grief.

* NOTE: By clicking on the title and buying this book from Amazon.com, you help support LPO.

Ways of Coping: Creatively Expressing Grief is continued on Page Two

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