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Facing the End of
Life Together
Possibly the most
emotionally wrenching experience for any family happens when a member
of the family has been given the diagnosis of a terminal illness.
Not only is this time difficult because the patient and the family
may fear that pain will not be medicated sufficiently, emotional
pain invariably accompanies the potential loss of a person who has
played an important role in a family. Imagining what life will be
like when that person is no longer around is very distressing.
Even so, death, in general, is a topic that is
extremely difficult for our culture, despite the obvious reality
that all of us will eventually experience the process of dying.
Yet an illustration of our effort to avoid facing death is the fact
that 70% of adult Americans do not have a will.
For some diseases, however, the denial of death
goes further when many families get caught up in rescue fantasies
and search widely for some "alternative" treatment they
are certain will turn things around. They want to prolong the life
of their loved one at all costs. What is frequently forgotten is
that prolonging a life of poor quality is a burden for the patient
rather than the blessing the family fantasizes it will be.
Admittedly, there is always the possibility,
however faint, that the prognosis of traditional medical practice
is wrong and there really is something that can cure the patient.
We realize there is alway the remote possiblity that hope. But while
the family is hunting for what is almost always elusive success
when cancer is widely metasticized (a statement which should not
be interpreted to mean that adjunctive treatment with less serious
cancer should not be pursued!), there is one blessing that is denied
a family focused on an "alternative" treatment -- that
of drawing together and sharing an experience that is priceless.
Even when families don't try to find another
treatment, they are too often afraid that initiating subjects surrounding
death, dying, and grief will give the impression they expect their
loved one to die very soon. After all, except in cases of unremitting
pain, they don't want to rush the outcome.
Fortunately, the Commission on Aging with Dignity
has created a very special advanced directive document called "Five
Wishes" that can make this subject much easier to approach.
We are pleased to bring you an online version that can help you
understand issues involved in making certain your loved one gets
the kind of care she wants until the very end of her life. The print
version, which you can get for only $5, is legal in 35 states and
the District of Columbia. Incidentally, since Five Wishes is not
located in this section, bookmark this page to return for other
articles related to end of life issues.
We hope the articles listed below will help you
deal with this difficult time more easily.
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