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The Conclusion That Actions Speak Louder Than Words

By Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

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5. Forgiveness is a cleansing quality, a spiritual tonic, a relief for resentment, and a gift you give yourself as well as others.

I don't always put into practice what I preach. I miss the mark as often as the next guy and my ego can get me in a lot of trouble. So I know a bit about guilt and regrets. But I've also learned about forgiveness. This is what I believe on that topic. Since I don't believe we are born in sin, I don't believe we require God's forgiveness to make us clean. However, our ego invests a great deal of effort in being right and in defending our position, so it can take a long time to learn how to forgive, how to apologize, and how to accept forgiveness and apologies. (See Guilt, Regrets and Forgiveness.)

6. Many New Age beliefs seem far too simplistic and also far more convoluted than necessary.

What benefit is there to believing I "chose" my parents before I was born, that I cause everything that happens, or that all experiences are "designed to teach me a lesson?" I may learn from what happens and I am responsible for my reaction to the hand I'm dealt, but there's a certain narcissism in wanting to believe I set up or co-created the world. And I wonder how such a philosophy feels to slaves and those who live their entire lives under tyranical rulers. Why would they set up their lives that way?

Also, I see no need for reincarnation. There is enough misery AND joy in this life-time to more than fill my time and energy. I don't have to borrow from the past or the future. I do good deeds not because I want to create good "karma," but because it's the right thing to do. By the same token, I believe it is wrong to kill because I want my actions to affirm life—not because I want to avoid the wrath of God, as more traditional religions would affirm.

Now, if you have accepted New Age as an alternative to the religion in which you were raised, I imagine you have a perfectly good reason why you feel your beliefs are true. It's just that these ideas wouldn't help me be a better person. And, I must confess, I don't think they particularly help those who ascribe to New Age ideas either. I've had several good friends who accept these beliefs and I notice they aren't any happier or well adjusted or kinder than are relatives and friends who ascribe to Christian fundamentalist beliefs.

Again, I come back to the idea that it's how you live, how you treat your fellow human beings that makes the difference. To the extent that beliefs help you become more compassionate and express other spiritual qualities, those beliefs can be extremely valuable. To the extent that they offer an excuse for self-centered actions or elevate one group of people over another, they only add to the problems of the world.

7. I don't know what happens after death.

As I said in An Agnostic's Encounter With God, I'm not impressed with a creator who designs the world in such a way that it's difficult to figure out what He wants from those he creates—and then throws his creation into a pit of eternal pain and suffering because they weren't smart enough or fortunate enough to figure out his rules. Even when hell is depicted as a condition in which men and women aren't physically tormented but are unable to experience the love and mercy of God because He turns his back on non-believers, the whole concept assumes we mortals know far more than we possibly can about such matters. All I know is that I don't believe the God I experience would act that way. Of course, I don't pretend to know very much about what God will do with any of us after we're dead.

Nevertheless, I believe the soul of the individual somehow lives on. Perhaps we all meld into a great mass of spirit that has a purpose in the universe we can't yet understand. Is that because I want it to be so? Maybe. But studies of near-death experience in which people report meeting a family member on "the other side"—one whom they didn't know existed—have pretty much convinced me that we exist in some form. Further, I am interested in the fact that so many of them, when talking about a "being of light" they meet after going through a tunnel of some kind, say they were not asked if they were members of a particular religion. They weren't asked if they had a lot of money in the bank. They weren't asked how much power and authority they yielded. Rather, they were simply asked two questions. Did you learn? Did you love? Not a bad basic for a belief system.

Nevertheless, I don't have any more idea what an individual person's experience will be like than an unborn baby floating in his mother's womb could fathom about the world into which he will be born.

8. What I hope is true but probably isn't.

I wonder if the powers that got the universe started, and may or may not still have a hand in how things are run, understand how difficult it is to figure out this life, this mystery, we've been given on this planet. Wouldn't it be a great idea if, in appreciation for how hard we have to struggle for understanding, that He-She-It, this concept-beyond-conceptualization, at least gave us a break when we arrive in the hereafter? Wouldn't it be nice if this entity fixed it so that for the first two weeks after we die we could attend an orientation coure and ask all the questions we want?

I suspect we'll be very surprised at the answers.

© Copyright 2003, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT — Return to Page One