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Living With Awareness

By Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

The following piece is an adaptation of the Mindfulness Meditation class in the Imagery section. It is included in this section because living fully—and joyfully and finding pleasure in what one does—requires one to live consciously and mindfully.

I always know I'm not living consciously when I notice the small, empty paper cup that once held a piece of caramel-nut-chocolate confection and realize I can't remember what it tasted like. It's particularly annoying since I don't often have candy. Consequently, to make the experience worthwhile, I prefer GOOD chocolate. Of course, living with awareness "in the moment" is difficult to maintain all the time, but it sure would be nice if I could remember to be present in those moments I eat chocolate.

Interestingly, the concept of living consciously is at the heart both of eating so that we can truly taste and enjoy our food and of living mindfully. An example of this could be seen on the television special "Healing and the Mind" with Bill Moyers. In one segment Moyers visited the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center where mindfulness meditation is taught to patients with chronic pain, severe stress and panic attacks. In watching the start of an eight-week class, the viewer realizes that the exercise has nothing to do with sitting quietly, breathing correctly or closing one's eyes. Members of the groups are simply asked to consciously taste a raisin. The purpose is to demonstrate a way in which we can experience not only eating, but all of life, mindfully, i.e., with awareness.

Consider what would happen if, the next time you sat down to dinner, you made an effort to notice the look, texture, smell and taste of each bite. Becoming aware of the nuances of eating -- noticing what you experience AS you experience it -- could give you a sense of what it would be like if you continued this awareness at other times during the day. Then, rather than have your mind racing ahead to what will happen next or worrying about what has already happened, you could truly be present in each moment. Calories gained from eating chocolate would be worth it.

(If you want to learn more about mindfulness meditation as taught by the Stress Reduction Clinic, you can read a book by its director, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., "Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness.")

The Importance of Mindfulness for Everyday Living

It has been said that people with strong Type A personalities often have a hard time recalling accurately the details of their experiences. This is because the mind can't easily be occupied with two things at once. It can't race at ninety miles an hour and also store the color, smell, taste, touch and sound of an event, i.e., the senses that comprise the core of experience. Therefore, to have clear memories of all the experiences that make up a lifetime, one does need to stop and smell -- really smell -- the proverbial rose.

When the mind develops a habit of being disconnected from what is being experienced, one of the easiest ways to train it to reconnect again is to learn mindfulness living, which is essentially nothing more than being present to inner experience.

Overcoming Distractions

When you first sit down and attempt to clear your mind, you will likely notice that body sensations, emotions and thoughts will try to distract your attention. Because I've noticed that for most people there is a pattern to this distraction process, I suggest you proceed in the five-step process below. You may want to read the rest of this class several times so that when you next you sit down to do your regular imagery and meditation session, you will be able to recall the process more easily.

Step 1: Becoming Comfortable and Relaxing

Begin by becoming as comfortable as possible with a relaxation technique you enjoy. (To get some ideas, you may want to read the class on Beginning an Imagery Session.)

Step 2: Letting Go of the Body's Insistence That You Pay Attention to It

As you continue to relax and to experience who you are in this moment, some part of your body may attract your attention. If you feel it will help, you can move a little so that part of your body can become more comfortable. However, if moving doesn't work as well as you would like, then speak to that part of your body, telling it that you will pay attention to it later, but right now you want to concentrate on relaxing. Let the discomfort fade into the background as you withdraw any focus on your body and let yourself relax more and more completely.

The trick to getting your body to stop pestering you lies, in part, in appreciating the importance of your physical body and, at the same time, recognizing that you are not your body. Certainly your body is a wonderful instrument that has allowed you to be active in the world and to experience pleasure. But you can control your body, at least to some extent. Therefore, while you have a body and can appreciate what your body does for you, your body is not the essence of who you are. As you continue to relax, just be aware of each moment and let go of any attention to the sensations of your body. Experience the present moment, telling yourself to "be here now."

Step 3: Releasing Emotions That Try to Get Your Attention

While you attempt to experience the sense of being in the moment, you may notice some disquieting emotion. Perhaps before you began you were worried, anxious or upset about something and that feeling has returned to intrude into this awareness. It may also be that you now notice desires that would require you to act if you were to pay attention to them. Later, of course, when the exercise is done and you return to issues of daily life, you may want to deal with the cause of your emotions or respond to various desires. Now, however, it is time to let them go.

A simple technique I have used with clients is to suggest they put their emotions and desires into a small boat that is tied up to a dock with a long, long rope. They can then allow their emotions and desires to drift away with the current of relaxation, knowing that later they can pull in the rope and allow their emotions and desires to return, if they wish. Sometimes people imagine their emotions can float among clouds, high above and far away.

Just as your body is important, your emotions allow you to experience the world in a wonderful way. They connect you with others through joy and sadness, anger and fear. Emotions give your life depth, strength and intensity. Aspirations, dreams and desires are an important part of being human. But you can observe and often control your emotions and desires, so the essence of who you are is not your emotions or your desires. To be present in any moment of time, therefore, it helps to remember that while you have emotions and desires, you do not need to give them undue significance. Just experience the present moment, telling yourself to "be here now."

Step 4: Disregarding Your Thoughts

It is the constant intrusion of thoughts and fragments of thoughts, more so than body sensations or emotions, that tends to frustrate the would-be meditator. When we are able to distance ourselves from random thoughts, however, it is fascinating to observe the ingenious ways our egos have of convincing us that our opinions are more important and more significant than the opinions of others. Once we are able to step back and simply observe our thoughts, we realize that they control us, rather than the reverse.

Rather than facing thoughts head-on and demanding they stop, however, the first step in controlling your thoughts is to just observe them -- without trying to change them and without making them wrong. You can do this much as you would if a thought was like an actor who walked onto the stage of your mind, chattering about this or that, and demanded your attention. You could get into an argument with it or demand that it leave because you were busy doing something else. Chances are that it would want to stick around even more.

On the other hand, you could simply observe that it was there. Without an audience, the thought will soon wander off the stage because it needs your attention in order to develop into the full-fledged inner dialogue that makes up much of mind-chatter. Of course, it will probably be replaced by another thought, but that one can be ignored as well, as you move closer to the quiet center within. Some people think of thoughts as though they were clouds drifting by or a leaf floating down a stream, noticeable but not something to they need to be attached.

You can also detach yourself from your thoughts by observing your breath and by remembering that you can only breathe one breath at a time. Let each breath bring you back to the present and help you quiet your mind.

Certainly your mind is a marvelous tool. Over the years reason and logic have enabled you to resolve problems, form opinions, create beliefs, and make judgments about everything. Over the years, however, like everyone else you have changed your opinions, beliefs and judgments many times. Therefore, because your mind is not a constant, "who you are" is not your mind and its thoughts any more than "who you are" is a role you play or dependent on what others think about you. To just "be" in the moment, without "thinking," let go of attachment to your thoughts.

Step 5: Discovering "Who You Are"

If you allow yourself to quietly and simply "be," without attention to your body and its sensations, without attention to your emotions and desires, and without attention to your mind and its opinions, you will discover a calm center that lies within you, a place filled with serenity and peace. Therefore, as you experience mindfulness meditation exercises, each time you are aware of a sensation in your body, each time you sense an emotion or need arising and each time a thought intrudes into the quiet of this place within, let it go and return to the center of your being. Allow yourself to simply "be," without attachment to anything except the experience of "being."

What is this part of you that is able to experience being here in the center of your inner world? This part of you, this part of each of us, has been called many names and defined in many different ways. It has been called the "fair witness of the self" or the "inner objective observer." It is the part within you that has the power to direct and control the many forces that otherwise would take charge of your life. It is the whole that makes sense of the varied contradictory parts of the personality. It is the part of you that chooses. It is the "I" in the statement, "I am." It is the "you" and the "self" in the word "yourself." It is your life force. It is your spirit. It is the essence of your life, that which makes you what you are, your fundamental nature.

Noticing Something Pleasurable Right Now

Look around you right now. Focus on simply being in the moment. What is there of pleasure in your world right now? There is something, even if it's just the picture on your desk of your cousin's children and the memories you have of their visits. Let that feeling seep into every corner of your being. Become aware of that picture and how much love it represents.

Simple? That's what it's all about -- finding pleasure in small things.

And if you'd like to remember how to find pleasure, allow your imagination to create in your mind a symbol that would represent your willingness to live consciously, in the present moment. My symbol is an empty paper candy cup.

© Copyright 1997, Revised 2002, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT