Using Calendars for More than Doctor's Appointments

By Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

When you are first diagnosed with cancer, the uncertainty of the future can draw your attention like a magnet. Nothing else seems to matter. In fact, you can become so focused on the need to care for your body that you sometimes forget you are a whole person, with psychological, social and spiritual needs as well.

If this has happened to you, we have a suggestion that a number of cancer patients have used to prevent cancer from controlling their lives. Every time they have to write another medical appointment on their calendar, they make sure they put one of their own -- non-medical -- plans on the calendar as well.

These "plans" can be extremely simple activities, like deciding you will drive to your doctor appointment by a different route. They can be ones done simply for the pleasure of knowing you have the ability to make some choices in life, even if you can't choose everything.

Deliberately using your calendar in this way will help you feel more in control of your life. It will also reinforce the idea that you are more than your disease!

We offer the following suggestions for bringing your life back into greater balance -- and probably helping you feel a great deal better in the bargain.

First, look at the areas in bold print, noticing which ones you may have been neglecting lately. Then, go to your calendar and write on every day at least one short statement (using the words suggested in italics). Now, you will notice that we suggest you do the last two every day. That still leaves plenty of time for one or more of the rest. To have a balanced life, to really live with vitality, fill your calendar with as many of these ideas as you can.

Expand your mind

Go to the library (and search for sources of free or low-cost information on a subject you have always wanted to learn more about)

Challenge your creativity

Write some poetry (even if you've never done it before)

Maintain contact with others

Call a friend (and ask him or her to go with you to treatment, a movie, the library or just a walk around the block)

Meet your emotional needs

Spend a few minutes writing your feelings in a journal (that no one will see)

Increase hope for recovery

Make plans (for an end-of-chemo party or something you want to do next year or the year after)

Add pleasure to your life

Rent a funny movie (and invite someone to watch it with you)

Expand your spiritual experience

Read a book on meditation and the development of the spirit (perhaps one that offers another perspective than the one you've always had)

Relax

Set aside 10 to 20 minutes (for quiet reflection every day)

Build strength

Exercise (do this every day, even if it's just a little)

Of course, to use your calendar most effectively, it is important to be flexible. There will be days when you don't feel as good as you thought you would. If there is something you had previously planned for that day, do not feel you must always push ahead and do it. On the other hand, be careful you don't keep "putting off" those things that can bring harmony and balance to your life. It is very easy to get caught up in attending just to your physical needs. To prevent this, you may want to write some of your plans on small stick-on notes that can be moved from one day to another during those times when your energy level varies.

© Copyright 1997, Revised 2002, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT