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Facing Illness and the Death of Unborn Children

By Lanaia Lee, reprinted with permission

In the summer of 2003, we received an e-mail from a woman whose pen name is Lanaia Lee. She wrote that, "I am 46 years old and in a wheelchair from a stroke I sustained at 35 due to hypertension. I also had 5 miscarriages and one stillborn due to the same thing."

She found that one way to face her situation was to deal with the pain through poetry, two of which are printed below. You can see that the rhymes are simple, the expression is plain, and the titles she chose are as direct as they can be, but both poems are good examples of how the process of creating poetry can provide an outlet for grief.

Visited By Death

How does one explain this pain?

How does one keep from going insane?

How can you keep from playing this awful game?

We all know the cursed name.

Several visits from the grim reaper

Each time he makes my pain grow deeper

But by the goodness of the almighty keeper

I have learned how to handle this awful creeper.

Six children I have lost

And that was such a big cost

With my feelings all jumbled and tossed

I learned to fight through that thick,thick moss.

Today for this I am strong

So maybe their deaths weren't so very wrong

Even though quite often I long

To hear my children's song.

So what can I say?

Except there will come a joyous day

When my children and I can play

In that field of dreams beyond decay.

— Lanaia Lee, 2003

I Cry

From the deep dark depths of my soul

I cry

For my children who are now cold

I cry.

From my heart I should sing

but I cry

For my children now have angel wings

but yet I cry.

Can nothing dry my tears

as I cry

I should not listen to my fear

but yet I cry.

I should be happy and gay

but yet I cry

I dream of the day my children and I shall play

but yet I cry

And until the day I see them

I cry

Until the day I am with them in heaven's rim

I cry.

— Lanaia Lee, 2003