Helping Children -- and Parents -- Through Stages of Growth

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If you want your life to be more satisfying, so that you can have more satisfying relationships, read this book.

Helping Children—and Parents—Through Stages of Growth

By Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

Page One of Eight Pages

Boy climbing ramp at playground

When we watch a child climb a playground ramp, we cheer him on, wanting to encourage steady progress to the top. Similarly, we want to cheer our child through the stages of life as he meets many challenges in becoming a healthy, happy, successful adult.

Fortunately, there are guidelines for parents in helping their child through the development stages of learning and growing. The particular guidelines we offer here concern the affirmations all children need in order to feel they are capable, lovable, powerful, and have value equal to others. Some of these affirmations are expressed in words, but the message behind them can also be conveyed with a hug, a gentle touch, and a shared laugh long before the child has a vocabulary.

You can begin with Stage One, Birth to 6 Months and check out each stage or go directly to the particular age in which you are interested. Don't forget to look at the last stage, which applies to all of us.

Stage One: Birth to 6 Months

Stage Two: 6 Months to 18 Months

Stage Three: 18 Months to 3 Years

Stage Four: 3 to 6 Years

Stage Five: 6 to 12 Years

Stage Six: 12 to 19 Years

Stage Seven: 19 Years to the End of Life

As you read these pages, notice which affirmations you missed as you were growing up. As you'll see in the last stage—19 years to the end of life—it's not too late to learn them now. In fact, many people have enjoyed learning these affirmations by using an imagery exercise in which they imagine they are children again, being given words of encouragement by loving caregivers. It seems to help reinforce these words of encouragement for being, for doing things, for learning how to think for themselves, for power and identity, for recognizing the value of structure, and for being able to become independent individuals comfortable with their sexual identity.

NOTE ONE: The affirmations you'll read in the next seven pages are based, in part, on ideas I first learned from material written by Pam Levine and expanded by Sheryn Scott, Ph.D. Later I discovered these concepts further elaborated in a wonderful book, Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children by Jane Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson. I have incorporated my own observations about these developmental stages and hope they help you raise your children and grandchildren to be the best they can be. I also hope this material can strengthen your own self-confidence in being capable, lovable, powerful people and in believing you have value equal to others.

NOTE TWO: The pictures you'll see as illustrations of developmental stages are those of my grandchildren, except for the twin boys who are friends. Since I have only one granddaughter, and you may not know that when looking at her because she's only a month old, you won't see many girls here. Eventually I plan to make this into a Flash program using not only my grandchildren, but also boys and girls of all races.