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Affirmations Better Learned Later Than Never

An imagery script by Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

RESOURCES Gain new insight into your relationships and become an agent of change. Learn how If you want your life to be more satisfying, so that you can have more satisfying relationships, read this book.

Since it is difficult to teach, or to incorporate into healthy self-confidence, that which you don't know, this piece can give you a way to learn some important lessons you might have missed as a child. Many people feel they can better understand and incorporate these affirmations by imagining they are children again. It seems to help reinforce words of encouragement for being, for doing things, for learning how to think for ourselves, for power and identity, for recognizing the value of structure, and for being able to become independent individuals comfortable with our sexual identity.

NOTE: As with all imagery scripts in Learning Place Online, you can use this in several different ways. First, simply read it with the purpose of learning something and exploring how that might apply to you. On the other hand, you may want to get into the piece more deeply by reading it several times to yourself, pausing when you come to breaks identified by three periods (. . .) in order to have time to experience that section in whatever way feels comfortable to you.

Or, you can try to experience it as a regular imagery exercise, that is, first read it into a tape player (or have a friend or family member read it for you) and then, as you listen to it, close your eyes and follow along in whatever way feels right to you. You may want to first read Using Imagery Scripts and even take our Imagery Classes, which are easy to do at your own pace and can teach you about this effective technique for learning more about yourself, and for strengthening the affirmations you need.

Begin by becoming as comfortable as possible . . . As you begin to relax, take a few slow, deep abdominal breaths, filling your lungs to capacity and releasing the air as completely as possible . . . And now, let your body breathe easily according to its own natural rhythm. . . . With each breath, you become more and more relaxed . . . more and more peaceful . . . and because you are at peace and very relaxed, your mind is receptive, taking in any affirmations you may have missed learning when you were a child.

To do this, first take a moment to create in your mind's eye a special loving place where a little child could grow up safely. What kind of things would you what to have in a home where you would feel secure and loved? Experience this place as completely as you can. . . .

And now, you begin your process of growing up again by imagining you are a very little baby and are being held in the loving arms of your caregiver. For this exercise you may want this person to be someone other than one of your parents. As that person gently holds you, he or she touches your fingers, smiles and sings a sweet lullaby. You can sense, through the way you are held, that this person is kind and trustworthy. Notice how wonderful it feels to be held and loved by a special person.

The person holding you wants you to know that you are welcome in this family and can trust the world to support you, that there is nothing you must do to earn your right to be in this world. In words you may not yet understand directly, but which are conveyed clearly in the way you are cared for, the person says to you:

We love holding you and having you near me. . . .

We're glad you're here because this is where you belong. . . .

We will provide what you need because your needs are important to us. . . .

We're so glad you're a girl / boy. . . .

You can take your time to grow up at your own pace. . . .

Feel how wonderful it is to hear these words of encouragement, these affirmations for being that are important for every small baby from birth until about six months of age—and for everyone else as well. . .

And now imagine that it is a few months later and you are between the ages of six months and eighteen months. You are sitting on the floor playing with toys when a ball with a rattle inside rolls out of your reach. You crawl after it and pick it up with delight, exploring it in your mouth to get a taste of it. You hold it in your hand to see what it feels like, squealing with delight at the colors and the noise it makes when you shake it. Experience how much fun it is to explore your world. . . .

The people who are your caregivers enjoy watching you, as you learn about the world, and so they say:

We encourage you to be curious and to explore the world around you. . . .

You can use all of your senses to experiment about things in as many ways as possible. . . .

When you explore, we will support and protect you. . . .

We enjoy watching you experiment with different ways of doing things. . . .

We love you when you are active and also when you are quiet . . .

Feel how wonderful it is to hear these words of encouragement, these affirmations for doing things that are important for every child from six to eighteen months—and for everyone else as well. . . .

And now imagine that you are a little older, somewhere between eighteen months and three years. You are again playing on the floor, this time building a house out of blocks. At first when you can't get the blocks to stand the way you want them to. You are frustrated. Nevertheless, you continue working until you've completed the task you've set for yourself. As you experience what this would be like for you as a child, notice how it feels to have an idea of what you want to build and then to begin building it. . . . .

Your caregivers are in the room with you and they think you are doing a fine job of building your house of blocks and so they say such things as:

We're glad when you think for yourself. . . .

You can learn to understand your feelings. . . .

You can discover for yourself what you need. . . .

It's okay to be angry and frustrated, but we won't let you hurt yourself or others. . . .

We do not mind if you say "no." You can test limits as much as you need to. . . .

Feel how wonderful it is to hear these words of encouragement, these affirmations about thinking that are important for every child eighteen months to three years of age—and for everyone else as well. . . .

And now imagine that you have become a young child somewhere between three and six years of age. You're in the back yard playing with your friends. What kind of game would you be playing at this stage? As you play with your friends, experience what it is like to discover your identity as an individual and to learn the skills needed for getting along with others. . . . .

After you have been playing for awhile, you come inside to have a cool drink and your caretakers, who have been watching you, want to encourage your sense of personal power and identity and so they tell you:

We enjoy having you explore who you are and finding out who other people are. . . .

You can feel powerful and capable and still ask for help when you want it. . . .

You can learn that behavior has consequences. . . .

You can imagine things without being afraid they will come true. . . .

All of your feelings are okay with us and we will continue to love you. . . .

Feel how wonderful it is to hear these words of encouragement. These affirmations for power and identity that are important for children three to six years of age—and for everyone else as well. . . .

And now imagine you are older, somewhere between six and twelve years of age, and are about to play a game with some friends. There is a big discussion about what the rules of a game will be. Notice what it is like to discover the need for rules and for structure in order to play the game with others. . . . .

Your caregivers realize that you need to learn about structure, the need for rules and the freedom that comes from having appropriate and relevant rules. They know you need to ask lots of questions in order to gather information for many different skills you are developing. Sometimes you challenge your caregivers' values, arguing and hassling with them, but they are able to affirm you by saying (in one way or another):

You can learn from your mistakes. . . .

You can trust your feelings to help you decide what you want to do. . . .

You can learn the rules that help you live with others. . . .

You can discover what works best for you and you can argue with us. . . .

We love you even when we disagree. . . .

Feel how wonderful it is to hear these words of encouragement, these affirmations for structure that are important for six to twelve year olds—and for everyone else as well. . .

Imagine now that you are in the last stage of development, somewhere between the ages of thirteen and nineteen and you are with your friends. What would you enjoy doing with your friends? Experience what it would be like to feel comfortable about yourself as you interact with others. . . .

In many ways your caregivers encourage you to learn whatever you need to learn so that you can be an independent, successful individual. So your caregivers tell you in various ways:

We enjoy having you develop your own interests, even if they are not ones we share. . . .

You can learn how to live independently from us. . . .

You can be responsible for your own needs, feelings and behaviors and still ask for our support. . . .

You can learn the difference between sex, nurturing and friendship. . . .

We look forward to knowing you as an adult and our love is always with you. . . .

Feel how wonderful it is to hear these words of encouragement, these affirmations for separation, sexuality and identity that are important for teenagers—and for everyone else as well. . . .

And now, recall one affirmation from these various stages of development that you would like to remember. You may not remember the exact words that were used in the exercise, but in your own words say to yourself the message that the words conveyed. . . .

And now imagine that when you awaken tomorrow you will hold this affirmation in your thoughts. Experience what it would be like to accept this affirmation as a reality in your life. . . .

And now bring your awareness back to the room . . . take a deep energizing breath . . . stretch your arms and legs. . . and look forward to expressing your new affirmation.

© Copyright 1993, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT